Gift Guide For Fictional Characters
What to buy your favorite imaginary person for the holidays
When you’ve already bought gifts for your parents, your kids, your siblings, your niblings, your in-laws, your kids’ teachers, your mailman, and your landlord, don’t forget about your favorite fictional characters. They have brought you so much joy, surely they deserve some gifts this holiday season, right?
So here are some gift ideas for the fictional characters in your life.
Willy Wonka
The obvious gift for Willy Wonka, of course, would be a Create Your Own Gourmet Chocolate Kit, but I’m sure everyone gets him stuff like that. So maybe he could use something more practical this year, like a six-pack of glass cleaner for keeping his elevator nice and streak-free.
Sherlock Holmes
Famous for his deductive reasoning, Sherlock would probably enjoy puzzles and games, like the Official Wordle Party Game for 2 - 4 players. Or if you lean a bit more towards whimsy, I bet he’d like a journal that simply has the words “No Shit Sherlock” written on the front. That’s sure to be a hit at his next investigation.
Arya Stark
A girl must become no one. So a girl might enjoy this disguise kit that comes with sideburns, mustaches and beards, glasses, gloves, an eye patch, fake teeth and temporary tattoos. Because a faceless girl can have any face she wants.
Chidi Anagonye
Chidi, you may recall if you ever watched The Good Place, faced a frustrating paralysis when it came to making decisions. This was a huge problem in both his life and his after-life. So the perfect gift for him would be a MasterClass subscription so he can watch Mellody Hobson’s class on strategic decision making. And then he can use his new skills to decide which of their many classes to watch next.
Don Corleone
You have to be careful choosing a present for Don Corleone. But I think a nice bottle of fancy olive oil would be a lovely tribute to his Italian heritage as well as something he can serve at the next family gathering. Because we all know how important family is to him.
And for his associate Peter Clemenza, I suggest this make-your-own-cannoli kit.
Alex DeLarge
After all he went through in A Clockwork Orange, Alex would surely enjoy a vinyl pressing of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, recorded live in 1951 at a performance conducted by renowned maestro Wilhelm Furtwängler.
He may also enjoy one of the limited editions of Herman Makkink’s sculpture “The Rocking Machine.” You’ll need to contact the estate directly for price information. (That link is probably not safe for work.)
Ferris Bueller
Part of me thinks he would like a vintage-style Chicago poster. But part of me also thinks he could really use a nice day planner. But then again, isn’t part of what made his day off so great that it wasn’t thoroughly planned? So my conclusion is that what he really needs is a good carry-around camera like the Lumix LX10 because life moves pretty fast, and if you don’t stop and take pictures once in a while, you might not have pictures of it.
Sub-Zero
This Mortal Kombat character has the power to manipulate ice to defeat his opponents. Or something like that. The main thing is that he always looks cold to me. So I think he could use a really nice balaclava like this whimsical balaclava with knitted horns. When he’s pulling people’s spines out of their bodies while wearing your gift, you’ll know he’s thinking of you.
Darth Vader
With so much focus on ruling the galaxy, I think what Darth could really use is a good personal telescope so he can gaze at some other galaxies he might aspire to rule. Astronomer pal Phil Plait just wrote a great article about how to buy your first telescope. The Celestron NexStar 5E looks like a good one. It’s a bit pricey, but compared to the cost of a fleet of star destroyers, it’s probably a drop in the bucket.
Oh, and for extra fun, get him a Darth Vader Voice Changer just to see what happens.
Dolores Abernathy
Dolores may get a kick out of the original movie Westworld starring Yul Brynner. Did you know that Yul Brynner was also a fantastic photographer? A four-volume book series of his photographs was published a few years back, which Dolores may also like. But if you’d rather gift her something a bit more experiential than material, I hear great things about & Juliet on Broadway, which asks the question: What if Juliet didn’t die at the end of Shakespeare’s play? Perhaps these violent delights don’t need to have violent ends after all.
Q
That omnipotent and mischievous guy from the Star Trek universe might have fun playing Star Trek: Cryptic, an at-home escape room game set in the world of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Or maybe he’d rather receive a hideous 10 Karat Gold Letter “Q” Pendant to wear around his neck.
Batman
Batman has a fancy utility belt, but maybe sometimes he’d rather wear a belt that’s just a little more fashion than utility. Something like a classic leather Timberland belt looks great with bat-jeans and is affordable enough to be a stocking stuffer. Or since he works in a cave, maybe something useful like a good dehumidifier would make his work environment more comfortable. Or perhaps he would just appreciate a donation made in his name to a local children’s orphanage or youth mentorship program.
Frodo Baggins
What Frodo needed most on his journey is a cozy blanket, am I right? Just think of how much better his adventures would have been if he just had a nice cozy blanket to make those long cold nights more bearable. The New York Times recommends this Garnet Hill blanket as the one blanket to rule them all.
The other thing he could really use is a new project to help him relax once he gets back to Bag End. And I think the LEGO Bonsai Tree would look great in his little hobbit house.
So what are you getting for the fictional characters in your life?
I’ll probably have time to write one last newsletter before the holidays, but if I don’t see you before then, I hope you have the merriest of merries and the happiest of happies.
And thanks as always for reading!
David
P.S. Holy crap, A.I. has come a long way very quickly when it comes to generating images. I can’t believe how easy it was to make the pictures for this newsletter and just how good they look. Yeah, there are things that still look odd, and it does seem weird to praise things like “It even got the right number of fingers on all the hands.” But scroll back up and just look at the texture in the fabrics. The lighting. The shallow depth of field. Even with all the issues that go along with generative A.I., I’m still constantly blown away by what it can do.
Don Corleone's largest front was the Genco olive oil company, so I'm not sure that one would land.